Random Numbers

So I was out searching for character names on Google, and I'll tell you more on the Imperfect Beginnings blog instead of this one.

I landed a few hits for a few names. I just don't want somebody to look at a book I write and think "Hey! He used some country star's name in that book!" or "Hey! He just used some ... star's name in that book!" Not very good for me, because I write science fiction as a hobby, and am pursuing publication.

So I landed at random in somebody's blog, checked things out and thought about bookmarking the thing. That reminded me that I haven't been much of a presence here at this blog. I had a few other landings on other names and identities, but I didn't find anything having to do with movie stars or known cultural icons. Some names might be altered so as not to fit with the people involved in my recent browsing, that they do not say "Hey! He just commented on my blog, and then he started using my name in his book!" Or worse, immortalize their name by riding my coattails. Okay, paranoid perhaps, but I don't like having real people names mixed in my fictional adventures.

But back to presence. I also haven't been much of a presence in other ways, perhaps even to the point of being a temporary theological lightweight. My recent behavior took a hit when I saw a segment from the Truth Project. Somebody pointed out that you can't believe God if you choose to stay addicted to pornography, to substances, to money, etc. Why is this? Not because God can't exist because of these things, but because real belief, real faith requires us to obey God and be faithful. And that would take us away from our addictions, now wouldn't it?

It would also take me away from being a theological lightweight. I remember this time two years ago, when I was going strong. I know God can do that. But I have to believe and call on God to make me act accordingly.

What's Your Load?

I thought about this on the way home from work.

I have tons of emotional baggage. Correction: I used to have tons of emotional baggage. Jesus offered to take it away a long time ago. That baggage contains my sins, my failures, my own evil thoughts, as well as good thoughts gone wrong, attempts to do good that turned out okay but not quite the way I would have liked. I could go on for hours. Worries are also included in that strange pile of junk. Everything in that junk has a different size, a different shape, and a different weight. What a load of junk!

What's worse is that sometimes things get tossed in on top of that mess and I have to haul that along with everything else! It's junk, no better than a wheelbarrow full of drywall debris or garbage. I could, if I wanted to, load up with all that baggage each day of the rest of my life.

Or I could live without it.

What if I could load up one just one thing, and it never changed? Jesus tells us that whoever follows him must "deny himself, take up his cross and follow" but is that so bad? A cross is a pair of wood beams that is fastened together. It has a definite size, a definite shape, and a definite weight. That size, shape, and weight does not vary or change.

Tell me what you would rather do: haul all that emotional baggage and junk, or just two pieces of wood. It isn't always easy to carry, but it never gets any bigger or any heavier.

It brings new meaning to this other thing that Jesus said:

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

The inverted life is a life that is free from emotional baggage and sin. Living in freedom from sin means I have to carry a burden called "responsibility." Is that so hard?

The Boundary

Have you ever gone "over the line?" or felt that somebody else "crossed the line" when they said something or did something to you? Maybe that person did not do something directly to you, but to somebody you knew. But whatever the reason, suddenly you were offended and you reacted. Reactions for me come in all shapes and sizes. Recently, I learned a life lesson.

It comes from Romans 12:18 which basically amounts to this:

Whatever you do, and whatever anybody else does to you, try your best to manage your end of things. Try your best not to fight when somebody else starts it, and try your best not to start any fights.

Although Paul's letter to the Romans does not say it in so many words, I think that's basically what it means: try to avoid fighting and arguments.

I found another interesting quote last year: "The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress." Joseph Joubert, a French moral philosopher who lived between 1754 and 1824 said that.

What I try to live in the verse from Romans holds me to a very high standard, one that I cannot follow myself. But what if I do fail? I guess that's where the second quote comes in. Nothing I fight over should be anything that is not worth fighting over. And I should not be fighting to get the last word, or to be the winner. I think Paul would agree that I should be fighting to make a situation better, not worse.

The life lesson I learned recently is this: anybody might "cross the line," by doing or saying something offensive, but the inverted life is one where I can choose to move my personal boundaries. This has changed my part of what I think it means to forgive.

Sicilian Defense

The inverted life is anything but perfect. I am human and there are things that affect me, and there are things that I allow to affect me.

Recently, the preacher at my church has featured spiritual formation as a topic in his sermons. One series covered the different temptations he has either witnessed in others or experienced himself in ministry:

1.) The temptation to be relevant
2.) The temptation to be spectacular
3.) The temptation to be powerful

He related these to Matthew 4:1-11 when Jesus is being tempted.

Spiritual formation was also a topic at a church retreat that I was able to attend a couple weeks ago. I was surprised by the familiarity of that topic, not because I have studied the topic, but because I think it fits part of what got the inverted life started.

During the retreat, we studied how change comes from within. A person starts in solitude, making up his or her mind and heart. The inner change prompts similar people to gather, creating communities of people. The communities then affect the people around them, and the external change creates movements that affect all of society.

I remember the first trip to Louisiana, when I sat on the bus heading home, and saw the devastated landscape revert to normal. I remember coming away with something in my heart, an inarticulate prayer that slowly resolved to this:

"God, please do not let me go back to my life the way it used to be."

The change on the inside changed me on the outside, but it lasted only a few months before the stresses and strains of the world crept back in.

There are days when I cry out for that transformation to come back. I was at peace, I took less time to forgive, and I took way more time to be offended.

One day, I pray that God will give back what I had back then. It may not be exactly the same, but I want that transformation. I know it costs something, but that doesn't change the fact that I want it.

I leave you with this: "Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:1-2).